A few random thoughts...

I am reminded by my conscience (Dane is sometimes my conscience like Jimminy Cricket was Pinocchio's) that I sometimes do not appear as happy as I am. I am very happy! I had a nice quiet birthday, I had a nice quiet Valentine's Day...and I am having a nice quiet President's Day! I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of our good friends Luke and Wendy as they are taking a layover at our house on their way to Florida for a cruise via Detroit Metro. Dane will be driving them there tomorrow morning. Dane's mom called and asked if we wanted her and Ted to do it, and when I said that Dane was taking care of it, she asked if he knew where to go!! lol She still doesn't see her little boy as grown up sometimes! I think I was a little rude when I said, "ah...NO. I think he knows the way." (sorry hon)
Dinner last week at the Elephant Bar was AWESOME! I love it there! Work is going well...we are finally finished with the alternate assessments we had to do...THAT was a chore and a half! Even though I am a lowly classroom aide, I still do a majority of the typing and everything...or that is BECAUSE I am the lowly classroom aide!
Any-who...all things considered there is very few things I would change about my life. The wish list of places I would like to visit...is only a WISH LIST!!! Not a complaint list! I am not going to curl up and die if I never get to travel! I am not in a deep depression because I've never been out of the country! IT IS OK!!! TRUST ME!!! Besides, I would never want to go these places without my kids so they can experience the same beauties that I do, and they are just too young to appreciate most of these places. So, until they are older, I will be very happy to travel the wide expanse of our great tri-state area...and a little beyond...with our awesome little pop-up and my wonderful family!

February 2

So...my birthday...not a big deal, right? I have never liked my birthday. It was never a "fun" day in the Miller household. We didn't get fun presents. I got a bedspread for my 18th birthday. If we needed uniform shirts, sweaters, or socks, that was a popular item for birthday gifts. I also had to share a family party with my sister, and she had to share one with me. Not a great thing for either of us. Friends forgot my birthday all the time. I always seemed to be forgotten...left out of the fun birthday rituals other teenagers had. There were some fun times, I did have a fun party one year. Friends came over and we had a huge snowball fight in the front yard...that had to be the most memorable. No big hoopla for my 21st either. Things have been better since I got married, there's someone else who can remember my birthday! Plus, my son was born 2 days before my 24th birthday. He's now 10. That's a big deal! I'm the mom of a 10 year old! I've said it before, WOW! Now...If you're keeping track, that makes me 34 tomorrow. I don't mind being "in my 30s" as Deanne put it. I'm more affected by the fact that I have a 10 year old, my parents are 60, and my grandmothers are close to 90! NOW I feel "old"...but not really. I feel like my parents and grandparents shouldn't be that old. I don't see them as old. A kid in one of our classes said that anything over 30 is old. I disagree. But...I digress...I also now share my birthday with my 2 year old awesome nephew, Alex! I just still feel like my birthday is no big deal, and I wish it was. We are going to The Elephant Bar on Thursday with my parents, brother's family and sister. I love that place. Not just because of all the elephants, (I have thought of taking a drill and removing the door handles from the front doors!) but the food is great! The inside is really cool, and the kids like it too. It's not their favorite, but they can find things to eat there. Although Sarah did ask if we could go to Chucky Cheese for my birthday, but I told her NO! (She then asked if we could go to CC's for HER birthday...and I still said no.) But as I get older, I don't feel "older" just "more experienced".

25 Random Things About Me-from facebook

Rules:Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.(To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1.I am addicted to facebook.

2.I am also secretly (not anymore) addicted to the games to play on facebook!

3. It took me 1 ½ hours to watch the first 20 minutes of the first Scream movie.

4. I need validation in my life. I am always seeking approval of some kind.

5. I have begun to love a good cup of coffee. Not the regular coffee, it’s cot to be flavored. I have “crème Brule” in my pot right now. I have a little 4 cup pot, now I wish I had gotten a bigger one!

6. I enjoy gaming of all kinds. RPG’s, board games, card games…especially if I can play with my family. Can’t wait until the kids are old enough to play euchre!

7. I do not enjoy dark chocolate. Milk chocolate, yes.

8.I don’t regret not finishing college. If I had stayed in school, I would not have met my husband, and through him, his family and all my friends.

9.I do, however, wish sometimes I could go back to school now.

10.I love to learn new things. I would like to learn how to knit or crochet.

11.I feel I am a paradox. I love sports and outdoorsy things, feel like a tomboy, and love my jeans and sweatshirts. At the same time, however, I enjoy liking nice, I like doing my hair and nails, having pretty jewelry, and I like “girly” things like cooking, sewing, and decorating.

12.My ipod contains music from just about every genre.

13.I miss the theatre.

14.I think I have the best kids, ever.

15.I no longer believe in any Christian church’s teachings, and haven’t for a long time.

16.I enjoy baking. I have made almost all of my kid’s birthday cakes. I think grocery-store cakes are yucky.

17.Halloween is my favorite holiday.

18.I do not like being talked down to. Especially by someone who has less experience than I do.

19.I miss having a dog. Not one that pees all over my house though!

20.I think pug dogs are cute, except for the part about them peeing all over the house.

21.I love my husband so much, it hurts sometimes.

22.I feel like a very creative person. I wish I could put the pictures in my head to paper. I have no talent for painting or drawing. Words usually come out backwards when I try to write.

23.I wish I could have met and worked with Jim Henson before he died.

24.I used to think I was a feminist. I wasn’t planning on getting married and having kids. I still feel like a feminist, but with different views. I still care for women’s rights everywhere.

25.As much as is going on in my life, I feel like I am a very boring person.

This has turned into a 28 random things about me, I randomly thought about 3 more truely random things...isnt that the point?

26. I love elipses...you know...those 3 little dots that can go between thoughts?...really...I do...:)

27. I often have no filther on my mouth. I speak whatever comes to mind, without thinking. So if I have inadvertantly offended you...I appologize!

28. I love elephants.

quickie...

I'm wondering if anyone other than my hubby reads this? not that I want to get a big head, or anything, it's just that I want ot know who's lives and heads I'm "touching" here. If it's just me and dane, I can go bat shit crazy, and not care...but I usually do open my mouth, and don't think about what I'm saying anyway, so what would be new? I don't know, just curious, that's all.
Let me know if you are here. I would just like to know!

These are some pictures of the kids. They were taken by my uber cool cousin Rachel. She's getting to be an incredible photographer! Well, not only can she take some cool pictures, but she can process them to look cool too! These were both taken at mom & dad'c cottage. Andrew's by the lake, Sarah's at the playground.


Very cool!

Bowling!

So, the other day, I was talking about bowling. Now, normally, I'm not too happy about bowling. We bowl on Dane's mom's church league. It's a baptist church. BAPTIST. ugh. Anyway, usually we go and don't talk to anyone really, since we're probably the youngest people there, they all know who we are (Deb's heathen son & D-I-L), we don't really know anybody there except Deb and Ted, and a few others....but it's not like we're the same kind of people. It's a no alcohol league. The request you act according to the bible...no sewaring, be sportsmanlike...etc...and while they remind everyone of these rules, they look right at us!



Anyway, back to the "normally" I'm not too happy. I BOWLED THE BEST GAMES OF MY LIFE THE OTHER NIGHT! My high game was a 192, that was the last game. The 2nd game I bowled a 155 and the first, was a 120 I think. It was the best I've ever bowled in my life! My average is 117, or should I say it WAS 117. :)

Hmmm....

I really need to figure out how to put pictures on here.

Good days!

Dane is loving his new job! He is so excited tho go to work now. He has given me hope that he won't be fired if he doesn't work out, because, contrary to what I thought, the last 2 plant managers weren't "golden children". They were hired to just keep the status-quo. Dane on the other hand is being trained for change. That's why they want him so badly! He has ideas for change! (Is he the Barack Obama of Scottdell? We'll see!) I am super excited to see what the next few years bring!
Andrew finally calmed down, and he took a spelling teat yesterday, and thinks he only got one word wrong. That's good! He is such a bad speller...I hope to help him study better! We will try something new and different this next week!
Sarah has a cheer leading clinic tomorrow. I know...ugh...MY daughter...a cheerleader. She's such a good little athlete! When I was coaching her soccer team, she was one of the fastest kids on the team! She just doesn't like sports :(. Oh well. I will support her in whatever she chooses to do! She is so excited, I wouldn't want to take that away, even if it is...ugh...cheer leading.
Myself on the other hand, I love my job! I'm good at my job! I love the people I work with, most of the time! I don't know what else to say about myself...I don't like talking about myself much.
Today was a scheduled day off of school, but I don't think we would have had school anyway, because of the wind chill. Let's just say, the temp WITHOUT the wind chill is -11. Wow. Freaking cold!! So the kids and I are at home. I don't have to worry about Dane being out in the cold any more because of his new job! Woohoo! Sarah has built a fort. Andrew has helped. My nephew Logan is spending the night. And we have bowling tonight! (that is a whole other blog entry right there...so don't worry...you'll get the story behind that eventually!) The kids are excited about the day off...we'll probably play some games together, take time to read, color, study...whatever, watch movies....fun stuff! Our only regret is that Daddy (Dane) isn't here with us to join in the fun!

Venting

I know sometimes it sounds like my life is very negative because all I do is complain. I also wonder who, if anyone, reads my blog (other than Dane that is!). But really, my life is very good! When I was in elementary and high school, I had somewhat of an anger issue. I spent a lot of time angry and sometimes physically violent. I hit my friends a lot. I hit things like walls, lockers, cars, trees...if it couldn't fight back, I would hit it. Not a good way to deal with my anger, I admit. I was looking back at my old yearbooks and realized how bad I was when someone who signed my yearbook wrote, "Please stop hitting me". The summer after graduation, I took stock in my life, and through some soul searching, meditation, and a lot of what I think of as "self hypnosis" I came to realize I was holing things in too much and needed a healthier release. I began writing in a journal. Not often, just when things were flying through my head. I didn't keep the journal entries around very long, just so that my mind became uncluttered, and I got my rage out on paper. They usually got burned in a fire, or torn to shreds. It was how I let my anger go for good over whatever. Over time, I learned new techniques that have helped me get over the rage I feel sometimes. But I digress every so often. But lately, I have learned not to let things build up so that i get that angry. Things have come full circle. I have started journal-ing again. Here. I do have very good days! I have also started seeing a great doctor who has helped me with my depression/anxiety. Meds work. So, I do strive to be a better person, and I do want to put more positive entries into my blog.

What an afternoon...

OK, so what kind of mom am I? I have made both of my children cry today. Spelling. ugh. I hated spelling when I was young, I'm beginning to hate it even more now. I understand why spelling is important. Hell...I work in a classroom. I KNOW spelling is important. I just can't figure out why, as I'm trying to help my children study their words, I make them cry? Not just a few tears, either....all out tantrums! I don't know what I do wrong. Sarah got over it pretty quick, but Andrew, it's been 30 minutes, and he's still freaking out. All I asked him to do is write the words he got wrong on the pretest I gave him 10 times. At first he was OK, then he started to cry and complain that it was 40 words...over 300 letters! I told him to write what he wanted, then, but he was still upset. I really think he has a problem with anxiety. I can't wait to get him to his new doctor so we can see what is really going on with Andrew. Between his anxiety and his allergies (that's a whole different story)...I don't know.
I know, Dane, why am I writing this all for the world to see? Because. I need to get things like this out there. Maybe someone has a suggestion? Maybe I just need to vent? I know Andrew and I are too much alike. I, too, hated studying fro spelling tests. My mom can attest to this. I spent hours at the dinner table writing ALL my words. Sometimes there were 30 of them. All I'm asking him to do is write the ones he got wrong. To help him remember. Anyway, I hate seeing him this upset, so I am no longer in charge of his spelling work.. You, Dane, Super Dad (dump da dum!), are now in charge.

Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy...not really, they're all mine...

So...it's 1:06 am by my computer clock. I've been in bed for an hour, and can't sleep. I get up at 5:30, why aren't I sleeping?!? There are so many thoughts spinning around in my head! I feel like banging my head against the wall..but not really. If I were still in high school, I would have done that. Some of you who knew me then can attest to that. But now I have a better release, blogging!
I got into bed and started thinking of the things I need to do tomorrow. I need to get Andrew's birthday party planned, call my grandmas, hope Dane has a good day at work... Why do I hope Dane has a good day? Well, he found out Friday that he got a promotion! He will no longer be working with the chemicals at the plant, he will be in charge of the sales and data input, and also the deliveries. He's also found out that he's pretty much been tapped to be the next plant manager within the next few years. I'm excited and worried all at the same time. I'm worried because the owners and the VP are talking like he is "The Chosen One", their "Golden Child" per se. (Not Eddie Murphy's bald Buddhist Golden child, but you get my drift) I'm worried because they've told him that they want him to help them turn the plant around, take them toward the future. I'm not worried that he's cape able, because he is. I'm more worried that there have been 2 plant managers in the last 10 years who have been let go because THEY were the ones who were supposed to turn the plant around. I'm worried that he will work his butt off for 5 years, get the plant manager job, be awesome at it, but because the plant isn't performing at the level they want it to be, for whatever reason, they'll blame him, and that will be it. The plant manager now is the owner's son. He's a very religious man. He recently told Dane that god has told him in a dream that Dane is right where he should be. Now...those of you who know Dane and I know how much stock we put in dreams from god...but I hope the dreams this guy is having, don't change in a drastic new direction.
Is this it? No...not by a long shot. Remember when I said I had to to some planning for Andrew's birthday party? Well, he's turning 10 this year. TEN! Wow, time flies. One of the things I have to do for the party is to call and invite my grandmas. Ah...there's worry #2. Now, here's the problem: my Grandma Klueber. She is , or has been, developing signs of Alzheimer's or dementia. She forgets names of her great grand kids, and sometimes her grand kids. At the Klueber Christmas party, she had to ask who the baby belonged to. It was my brother's daughter, Gretchen. She's forgotten how to get to my mom's house that she has lived in for almost 30 years. The last time she drove, it took her more than 2 hours to get there, and she told us she started at the other end of the neighborhood knocking on doors, asking the people if they knew Phil or Becky Miller (my parents). Now...this isn't even the tip of the iceberg. Her short term memory seems to reboot every 15 minutes or so. I've joked it's become a drinking game: when grandma asks the same question, take a shot, but I know she has a serious problem and it's wrong to joke, but I feel so helpless. At Thanksgiving time, my Uncle Paul (my grandma's 3rd child) came from Alaska, and sat down with my mom (the oldest) and mu Uncle Chris. They asked her to think about giving up her keys. She said, if you take my keys, I might as well die! What we're all worried about, is not that she would die (don't get me wrong, we ARE worried she might get hurt...more about that in a moment) as much as the people she could hurt if she should forget what she was doing as she was driving. We are worried about her too. There was a story a few years ago about 2 women who had disappeared from an elderly apartment facility much like the one Grammy is in. They were found 2 weeks later, 500 miles away, dead in the car. It was assumed that they got lost, because of an episode of Alzheimer's, and wouldn't stop for directions, and well, you could probably figure the rest out for yourself. So, those are my grandma thoughts. And as many of you may know, my mom is almost the spitting image of my grandma, and other that getting my bad hearing, short stature and dark coloring from my dad, I am my mother's daughter. This will be me in 50 years. Oy.
Speaking of my uncle from Alaska, I also started thinking about all the relatives I have spread out all over the country. Alaska, Washington State, Texas, Colorado, Michigan. Not to mention all the friends who I've realized are all over as well! California, Michigan, New York, Texas again, Chicago...wow, I wish I could keep all of you safe. But at least I can let you all know you are loved and thought of (at almost 2 in the morning, no less!)
As if these things aren't enough...I'm the mother of a 10 year old boy. TEN! I'm almost 34, or will be 2 days after my boy turns 10. I'm supposed to be a responsible adult, but I sometimes don't feel like it. Boy was I a piece of work in high school, as many if you remember. My parents once threatened to send me to a shrink when I was 14 years old or so. Maybe I should have gone? Might have made a difference? Who knows? I got over the anger issues on my own through meditation and positive thinking. The meds help now! (no, really, they do!) I think back on my life and really don't have any serious regrets, other than no keeping in touch with friends I have made, holding a grudge for too long, and loving too much or not enough. If you read my New Year's message, I sometimes feel like a failure. But then I think about what I have accomplished...I do have a couple of good kids. I have a job I'm good at, and I like. I have friends and family who are supportive. I have a wonderful husband who is going to be doing great things with his job. But I still think: where's my mark? What will people remember me for?
So, here it is, 40 minutes later. As I sit here, I think, Did I accomplish anything? Will I be able to sleep? where do these thoughts go now? What if it isn't the thoughts that are keeping me awake, but the 5 cups of coffee and the 2 big glasses of soda?

Sledding!

So, we've had a bunch of snow the past few days...maybe 10 inches. We did a lot of shoveling yesterday, and the kids built a fort. Today we went sledding! It was so much fun! Dane and i weren't too excited about it when we first got up, but we told ourselves..."Dammit...we need to get going, we know we'll have a great time." So we did. Got ourselves moving, and got to the sledding hill in the middle of our neighborhood. SO MUCH FUN!! We knew we would have fun if we got our asses moving, and we did. My knees hurt from the up and down the hill, but it's worth it! Now off to friend's house to watch football!

New Year's Resolutions

So, 2009. Another new year. Where does the time go? As I look back on the past year, there has been a lot going on! New babies (not mine!), new friends, connecting with old friends, electing a new president and making history, new discoveries, and many other things. Did I keep any of my resolutions from last year? I think so, since I resolved not to make any resolutions! I pretty much feel like I copped out of the challenge there. This year, I think I am going to give myself a few challenges. I've always been afraid of making resolutions that I will break. I feel like a failure. I'm afraid of being a failure. Sometimes I feel like I am a failure in some people's eyes (read: my parents) because I've never graduated from college. But the way I look at is, I have a great job I enjoy and that I am good at. Yes, I don't get paid very much for it, but I don't feel like a drudge going to work. I have a nice home. I have health insurance. I have food on the table. I AM NOT A FAILURE! I am proud of where I am in life. Do I regret not finishing college? Sometimes. But if I had stayed in school, I would not have met my wonderful husband and most of my friends, and I think there would have been a great void in my life. Do I wish I could go back now? Yes. But there are a few things I need to be able to do this. I need more time. I need more money, I need more help! I think I also need a little more ambition and a little more courage. I always joke there are 657 reasons why I don't go back to school, but it usually comes back to those few things: time, money, and courage. Who knew I would be so scared?
Anyway...I was originally talking about resolutions. This year I resolve to have a little more courage. I resolve to try and live a healthier life. I resolve to exercise a little more. I resolve to eat healthier food. I resolve to call my friends more. I resolve to spend as much time having fun with my kids as possible. I resolve to keep a little more on top of the clutter in the house. I resolve to stay in better moods more often. I resolve to love everyone a little more, and that includes myself. Is this a lot to ask of myself? No. I am resolving to make myself a better person. Not that I am a bad person now, but I could be better.